you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
