dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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