That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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