is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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