I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
