I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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