if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this boner is exhausting
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I stole a fireplace last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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