Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
