I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
