i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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