I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
