she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
