so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't turn off my feet"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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