you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Drunk is a universal language darling
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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