i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
