before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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