It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
