I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
