I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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