i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
