i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
