You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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