My nipple is on Facebook.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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