I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
