woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
