i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
