your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
