Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
two words...techno handjob
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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