You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
