I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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