I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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