Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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