On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize