my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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