You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
