Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
