I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize