i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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