My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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