my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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