im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
