drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My cat gives me a boner
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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