i think my tv is drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
