When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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