You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
