i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize