so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
