Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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