Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
