new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
