Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
