I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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