i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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