I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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