I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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