My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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