you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
