All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
