Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
