fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
farters have to be the big spoon...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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