Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
