I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
