I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
