just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
