i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize