In the future we'll all be gay
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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