I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
