Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
