Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
