You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want to be your penis for a week.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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